Day 45: Continuation

2 days ago I started to tell you about my issues. Previously I gave you a list of all the things I’m bad at and today I’m going to continue that conversation.

I’ve already explained about my control issues…honestly I probably didn’t even scratch the surface there, but let’s just move on. I have trust issues…in the sense that I don’t have more than just a small handful of people I do trust and I don’t trust them with everything. I think the biggest part of my problem is that I like things done my way (again very controlling) and I don’t trust that anyone to do things my way.

I am the worst procrastinator. The night before this show I was up until midnight trying to get things finished and then I woke up at 5 am the morning of because there were still things left undone. I cannot remember a time when I didn’t leave things until the last moment. School essay were pounded out the night before or even sometimes the class period before they were due. What’s really ridiculous is I like to get right on projects as soon as I can, I’ll get things all lined out, start making lists, and pretend that I’m not just going to leave things until the last minute.

I think part of the problem is I have no concept of how long things take. You would think that after 25 years on this planet I would be able to figure out how long it takes me to get ready, but of course I have no idea. Sometimes it only take 20 minutes and other times it takes almost an hour, because I can’t figure out how long things are going to take me I’m alway late. Seriously always late…I know how long it takes me to get to work and I’m still late at least once a week.

Let’s see…what else is wrong with me? I get super anxious when I’m running late too. Friday night I was running around with a knot in my stomach because nothing was finished how I wanted it and I wasn’t sure I was going to get anything done in time.

This time I thought for sure I was doing great and right one time, but of course I was not…I’m going to tell you something else, I was terrified. Not just because I didn’t know for sure if anything was going to be done, but because I was terrified that it would be like the last show where I sold nothing and cried on my way home. I felt the deep stab of rejection so many times that day and I just couldn’t handle it again. This time I kept asking myself, do you really want to go through that torment again? Maybe that’s why I wasn’t ready, I was subconsciously sabotaging myself so that I wouldn’t feel that rejection.

I’m glad it didn’t turn out that way because I don’t think my heart could have taken 8 hours of rejection. I had fun even if I was so tired I was barely able to stay awake on my way home from our celebratory dinner.

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This was the final product of the coffee table redo.

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And the desk, which if I do say so myself turned out beautifully!

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Caloric intake: 1,620
Calories burned: 0

Until tomorrow, stay wonderfully wild!
Chels aka The Crazy Dame

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