Day 55: Tru Wuv

I had a great nights sleep, unfortunately prince charming wasn’t waiting to take me away in his white horse, but this morning on my way into work I forgot the name of my soul mate.

Let me give you some back story here, this may take a bit, so just bear with me please. Years ago while I was still in high school I had a very bizarre dream in which I met my soul mate. This of course was before I read a study that claims everyone you see in your dreams you’ve met in real life already (really crushed my spirit the day I read that). Anyway, I’ve been convinced for nearly all my life that I’m a teensy bit psychic (though I’m the first to cast stones when someone claims to be psychic). I’ve dreamt about things that end up happening to me, it’s never anything monumental, obviously I’ve never seen the winning lottery numbers or anything, but small things. Most explain that away with the feeling of deja vu, but in most of the cases (at least for me) I literally realize that I’ve dreamt this exact moment and I already know what’s going to happen for the next few moments. After that of course I’m flying blind just like every other moment of my life. Because of these dreams that have ended up coming true, when I had the dream about my soul mate I felt deep inside that this was one of those dreams that for sure was going to come true. Now, I’m not so sure.

A few things really dampened that dream, one of course being that dream study that claims you’ve met everyone you’ve ever seen in a dream. When I found that out I nearly cried because if that as true I had already met the person I was meant to be with and missed my chance. Another thing keeping my dream down is that the circumstances that lead us to find each other I’m almost positive are never going to happen in the future. Let’s just say it involved a river (which of course is not far fetched at all), a girl I was friends with in high school (who I barely speak to let alone go to the river with), and lastly I’m not even sure I believe in soul mates.

It’s a beautiful notion, there is someone out there in the world that was put here just to be your other half. Just thinking about it makes me sigh wistfully. However, I think that believing in soul mates means that our lives have to be predestined to a certain extent, which I’m fine with, but it turns my head to wondering who decided my destiny and then of course I get a tiny bit angry that anyone other than myself should have any control over my destiny. Perhaps our lives are like a river, there are always little bends, forks, turns, and obstacles, but we have a destination. Perhaps we have no destiny at all. I guess that’s just another of those things that each person gets to decide for themselves, like religion.

Putting aside that to believe in soul mates is to believe in predestination/higher power we don’t even meet a fraction of the people on this earth. According to worldometers there are 7.4 billion people on earth, that’s a ton of possible soul mates and I want you to consider for a moment the number of people you’ve meet/been exposed to in your life time. Chances are that number is insignificant when compared to 7.4 billion. What if your soul mate was born in a different country? Of course you’re thinking then maybe I’ll visit that country one day and then meet them by chance. Ok, good point, but what if that country is at war with yours and they don’t allow travel?then we’ll be the modern day Romeo and Juliet. To that ridiculous answer I shake my head and plead with you to not get me started on Romeo and Juliet. What if your soul mate has died? There are so many factors to consider, but maybe it’s more simple that all of that depressing stuff. Maybe it can be boiled down to if it’s meant to be then it will be and if not then who knows.

I may be more of a pessimist than I thought…uh oh. The only other problem with soul mates, this may be the biggest one to me, is how can there be just one person for you? I’ve read about love, written about love, seen love in couples I’m friends with, but I’ve also seen false love, read about false love, and even written about false love. I’ve never been in love in the truest fashion. Of course in my adolescents I thought I was in love/infatuated and maybe I was because love evolves as you evolve. It matures with you, so one day you’ll look back on parts of your life when you thought you couldn’t live without someone you’ll shake you’re head at your ignorance and then smile because while you may understand that it wasn’t “real” love at the time it felt real.

I will confess that deep in my heart I want soul mates to be real. I want there to be someone who was made just for me and I want to know that I am perfect for someone. I hope that one day I will be walking down a street and my eye will collide with someone and something will just click within me. I should mention that this part of me is at war with the part of me who loves the great loves that start out with quips and distaste. I want a Mr. Darcy or a John Thorton. This could be because we are shown that their kind of love is passionate and I so want a passionate love.

I feel as though I’ve blathered on long enough for today. I should mention that as I’m writing this it’s only 7 am, I’ve still got the entire day ahead of me, so maybe this post will have been edited before you see it. I’ll let you know below.

Yea…I did not edit. Sorry. You get my unfiltered thoughts, hopefully my fingers didn’t make many mistakes as I was furiously typing.

Caloric intake: 2,166
Calories brurned: 1,050

Until tomorrow, stay wonderfully wild!
Chels aka The Crazy Dame


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