Day 128: 10 Hours

Hello wild ones. Hopefully you’re having an amazing Saturday.

Last night was a very low point for me. As I was writing the last bit of my blog post there were a few tears shed. I thought I woke up feeling better this morning. For a few short moments after waking I smiled even though my heart was still a tad heavy. That smile faded quickly and has yet to reappear. I had thought perhaps the imbalance was caused by lack of sleep, but after 10 hours of deep sleep I didn’t wake up feeling refreshed and ready. I felt rested, but not any stronger.

I cried on my way home from work, the silent slow tears, but cried none the less. I just cried in bed. For no apparent reason other than my chest felt heavy and my eyes just welled up. They’re doing it again now. Causing the keys to become blurry and my fingers hit the wrong keys.

I’m afraid that something in me has broken. Im more afriad that I’m not going to be able to fix whatever it is that broke. Friends invited me to dinner, I declined because the thought of having to pretend that I don’t feel like lying face down on the floor until my life ends sounded unbearable.

What am I supposed to do? Will I wake up tomorrow and be myself again? Who knows the answers to these questions? How do I fix this? Can I fix myself?

I feel like screaming at the top of my lungs that I just need help, but I don’t even know what it is that I need help with. It’s not as though I’m keeping these feelings bottled up, I’m telling you, so what do I need help with? I just want it all to go away.

Until tomorrow, stay wonderfully wild
Chels

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