Day 197: Snot Nose

Hello wild ones! Somehow the dogs got on my desk sometime this week.

There’s dog hair and sand all over my keyboard, it’s certainly not from me. I have no idea how those two rascals manage to get into everything they are supposed to stay away from. Rascals I tell you.

Right now said rascals are sitting at my feet under the desk. Cute little stinkers. They really know how to tug at my heart strings. I never manage to stay mad at them long because they are constantly doing adorable things that make me forget the bratty shit they did before. Cunning little devils.

Bratty dogs aside, I wanted to talk about children today. Strange I know, but a friend came to visit earlier and we started talking about people who want kids. Up front, I am not one of those people. Not the biggest fan of kids. I go back and forth sometimes, but with 100% certainty I can tell you that I do not want to birth any children. If when I’m 35 and start thinking I want a child I am going to adopt. I’ve always said there are too many children in the world in need of parents.

We were discussing the fact that we know a few guys who really want to have children and it occurred to me that part of that longing is they have no idea what it means to have a child. And I’m not talking about the excruciating birth process or carrying the thing for 9 months, I’m talking about the up to your elbows in poop, vomit on your favorite shirt, no sleep, crying all day day parts of having a child.

This is a gender issue, never been one who considered myself a feminist, and this issue doesn’t anger me I just find it strange that I never realized before that this was happening. As the oldest girl in my family I did a ton of babysitting. I babysat my siblings all the time, cousins, I even babysat as my job for the summer when I was 16. I would lay money down that every single girl I know has babysat at some point in their life. People trust babies to other women.

I do not know a single male my age or younger (my brother included) that has ever had to babysit. That baffles me. As a girl I know exactly how frustrating it is to try and get a toddler to nap. I know what it feels like to have someone vomit all over you, not from drinking too much, but from just being sickly. I’ve changed diapers. I’ve cleaned snot off a kid’s face. Shit, I’ve wrestled a child into school clothes and had to make sure they made it to school on time.

It’s an accumulation of those things that makes me not want to have children. Sure they have their moments, just like my dogs, but I am still opting out of the whole mothering experience. I’ve done enough of it in my time and I have no desire to do it again.

Now, I’ve heard my 19 year old brother say he wouldn’t mind having a child, when I was done screaming at the top of my lungs about safe sex I realized it was because he had no idea what it meant to be a father. Boys only see the cool parts of having a kid Baby smiles. Cooing. Cute sleeping little faces. Wrinkles. Fat chubby cheeks. A tiny mini them to play sports with one day. They have no idea about all the other stuff that comes with babies, let alone older children.

Kids are the best birth control. Give these boys babies to take care of. Let them deal with crying, pooping, snot covered messes for a bit alone and see how quickly they change their tunes.

If that fails trade that baby in for a toddler, preferably one going through the terrible twos. Trip to the grocery store, tantrums in the candy isles. Throwing things at passerby from the cart. babbling none stop while you try to focus on the list of crap you need.

If they still are gunho (is this how you spell that? I’ve never tried to type it before…) about wanting children after that give them a kid in school. Early mornings, lunch packin, racing to get to them dressed and to school on time, helping with homework at the end of the day, and doing that every single day for 12 years.

After all of that headache there’s no way a younger person, I’m talking teenager to mid/late twenties, will want children. If by some kind of miracle they do, pass them a teenager. Sullen masses of emotions they have no idea how to control or express. Make sure that kid is worried about getting in to college. Jeeze, at this point they should realize how freaking expensive kids can be as well.

Make your boys babysit. If they have any sense in their head at all they will be sure to always keep their package wrapped. No girl is ever going to be able to talk them into gambling with not using a condom. Then it wouldn’t always be up to the girl to make sure there was some kind of birth control and you can bet your ass we’d have more male scientists trying to come up with some kind of pill for them to take that made their little swimmers less effective.

Okay, now that I’m done with my rant about men and babies…I hope you are having a safe and fun Friday night. Talk to you later!

Until tomorrow, stay wonderfully wild!

Chels

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