Day 203: Selfish

Hello wild ones! It’s Thursday and you know what that means? Absolutely nothing. 🙂 Last week it would have meant that today was my last day at work for this hitch, but since we just changed said schedule I’m here for one more night.

Last night I took a good long hard look at my finances for next month because as I mentioned I have to save money for my trip in December, not to mention freakin Christmas will be here before we know it.

At the beginning of this month I planned out my finances for the month and for the most part I followed that plan and even when I didn’t follow it exactly it was still helpful. As you know I also miscalculated, but this time I am being more careful. I mapped out what I spent this month on my bills as well as groceries and used that to forecast my spending for August. If I am careful and follow the plan I am laying out I should be able to put $100 in my savings account, which would mean I could potentially have nearly $2000 in my account by December.

Now lets talk about my inability to make decisions without first considering people’s feelings. I’m constantly worried that something I’m doing or will do is going to make someone else feel bad. Does anyone else worry about that when making decisions? Take for example my trip to Vegas, my first thought was I would love to go with a friend, Vegas is for friends right? But then my brain chimed in, “you should probably ask your mom first.” Because of that little voice I sacrificed what I originally wanted and ended up causing more trouble because I asked my mom hoping she would say no. Mom I love you, more than words can say, but I want to be uninhibited in Vegas. I want to party all night long, be young and free. I want to really live it up in Sin City, not that we wouldn’t have had our own fun, but I want to have the cliche fun for once. And who the hell takes their mother to Vegas? Mom’s don’t belong in Vegas. Mom I know you’re reading this too, I never intended to make anyone upset, but what I want should sometimes take prescient over other peoples feelings.

This isn’t the first time either that I’ve thought about what I wanted affecting those around me, I do it all the time. I sacrifice what I want all the time to suit others. I’m so tired of it. Just now I nearly deleted this post because I know my mom is going to read this and I don’t want her to be mad at me, but this has got to stop.

I’ve never been a selfish person, but I want to be a little selfish sometimes, so I am going to stop worrying to the point of giving myself panic attacks about what other people will think about the decisions I am making. Just have to keep telling myself that sometimes choosing myself over others does not make me a bad person. It’s all about balance, as long as what I am doing is not going to cause someone else some serious damage or heartache everything will be fine. You should choose yourself. You’re the one who has to live with the consequences of your actions, so you may as well do what is going to make you happiest.

Go do what makes you happy, as long as what makes you happy doesn’t cause anyone immediate or serious harm.

Almost deleted it again, but I am going to be brave and post. Have a wonderful night kids!

Until tomorrow, stay wonderfully wild!



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