Day 213: Killin Me

Hello wild ones! If you have learned anything about me in the past 7 months it’s probably that I love my sleep. Bed time is my favorite time of day. My body has decided to keep my favorite thing from me.

Since Friday afternoon at approximately 3 pm I have only slept a total of maybe 4.5 – 6 hours. I should be getting ready for bed now, but I can’t. My body will not rest. I was awake all day Saturday because I was doing laundry for my sister. By 1 pm I should have been draggin ass, but when I laid down in bed I only managed to sleep for about an hour before waking up again.

Aren’t I supposed to feel fatigue during period? Where the hell is that? I desperately want to go collapse in bed and sleep the day away, but once again when I laid my head down at 3 am I only go to sleep until 4:30 am. I don’t understand what is going on.

Is it the ridiculously painful cramps? Is it the fact that I honestly kind of feel like I am bleeding to death? Is it the fear that if I actually fall asleep for more than an hour I am going to ruin my bedding? I wish I knew because then at least I could address the issue and try to come up with a solution. Actually, I’ve already remedied two of those possibilities. I’m sleeping with a towel under me just in case and I’ve taken Midol more times than probably suggested for a 24 hour period.

I just want to sleep. I want to go lay in my bed, snuggled up under my covers and get some good rest. Is that too much to ask?

Do things in your normal life ever make you extremely curious? All day long I have been pondering the history of periods. We know that the Christians believe we get our periods because some bitch ate some forbidden fruit (thanks a lot for that by the way EVE. Not cool dude), but what about other religions? Do they have explanations for why women have to bleed every month? How in the hell did women deal with this shit in the middle ages? Or better yet the stone ages?

I vaguely remember someone telling me that back in the day (not sure exactly when) that women used to have to sit on hay while they were menstruating. How much would that suck? Then again it does have it’s merits, while you may in fact be sitting on an uncomfortable as hell hay bale, you weren’t expected to do anything. No one expected you to put on clothes and go out into the world and pretend that you weren’t dying on the inside. I had to run errands, do my sister’s laundry, eat lunch with a friend, and then start cleaning my house all while dealing with cramps that literally make me want to cry.

Maybe it’s anti-feminist to say, but I’d like for someone to recognize that being on your period is sometimes really difficult and give me a free pass to just hang out on my couch. Maybe instead of sick days I could be allowed a few days in a year to just phone and say, “Look, that bitch Aunt Flow came for a visit and she brought her asshole friend Cramps. I cannot deal with anything else today while trying to deal with their shit. I’m staying home.”

Then again it would be kind of mortifying to have my boss tell me, “Hey, I get it Chelsea. I have a daughter. I know you’re on your period and having a rough time. Just chill at home and we’ll see you tomorrow.” I don’t think I would ever be able to make eye contact with him ever again.

Of course I want to be viewed as strong, and I am one of those women who doesn’t necessarily like it when other women use PMS to excuse rude or bad behavior, but I can only deal with so much. We all deal with stress differently. For instance I am seconds away from going she hulk on my key board because for some stupid reason it keeps stopping randomly without me realizing. Right in the middle of my thought I have to pause because I lost the damn ability to type.

This is one of those double edge sword type situations. Or is it just a lose, lose situation?Who cares?

I think I am going to do some research on this history of my body, maybe reading about what is happening to me and how women used to deal with it will put things into perspective for me and make it a little easier not to be so pissed that I have to go to Wal Mart later for laundry soap.

What makes my feel even worse is I know there are women out there who have it way worse than me. This is probably the first time since college that I’ve had a really bad period and some women have a bad period every time. I feel for you my sisters.

To every woman reading this that maybe going through the same thing, go put your feet up. Eat the chocolate if you want. Watch old movies. Read your favorite book for the millionth time. Put on your Buffy DVDs. Curl up in bed. Do whatever you have to do to make it through to the other side and fuck what everyone else thinks. And maybe try not to think about that you’ll have to do this all over again in a month. Fuck.

I think I am going to go get tacos. Ugh, but I don’t want to leave my house!!!! WHY?! Why can’t the tacos come to me? Maybe I’ll just go lay back down and hope that I can sleep for a few hours.

Until tomorrow, stay wonderfully wild!

Chels

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2 thoughts on “Day 213: Killin Me

  1. Yes to ALL OF THIS. i don’t want to whine about my period because i’m supposed to be “strong”, and talking about periods in mixed company is totally taboo, but damnit i deal with this every 4 weeks from age 12 to age who knows, it is a HUGE part of my life, it is so terrible to talk about it??

    the first two nights of my period I sleep propped up on my sofa. seems to help the cramps and if i toss and turn on the sofa at least I’m not waking my husband up. and fatigue? holy crap yes. tired as hell, dragging, caffiene does nothing to help, but can i fall asleep? of course not.

    Liked by 1 person

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