Day 280: College

Hello wild ones! I hope all is well in your neck of the woods, I’m doing fairly well over here.

At work tonight…nothing to do but read, read, and read some more. I had the idea to start a tally to see how many books I can get finished in just a week, but knowing me I would screw up and forget to count…I fell like that’s all I do now. I swear I think I’ve read more books in these past few weeks than I have in a full year. I’m devouring everything I can get my grubby little hands on. Perhaps I should slow down and use some of my time to actually work on my book?

Ha, like that’s going to happen.

I mentioned last night that the conversation with my ex-step-father (whatever the hell you want to call him) had me kind of messed up, but it was from more than just the emotional conflict of wanting him to be my father again. It was also a startling realization that there are people in my life that think I am going to end up an old spinster, not that I blame them. I have those same thoughts, so of course they only intensify when someone says something to me about being alone.

He asked me to go back to school and finish getting my degree, this is not a new conversation at all, just one that he and I have never had. At first I thought it was sweet that he was encouraging me to go back to school and then shocked because he offered to help me if I needed it, but then a cold cloud settled over me when I realized why he decided to push the whole college thing. My family thinks I am going to end up alone. I’ve never heard anyone ask my sister to consider going back to school, the difference between us is that she has already found a husband to take care of her and I’m still stuck trudging through life paying my own way.

Nothing at all against my sister, I love her and I love her husband, but seriously just because I don’t have someone paying half the bills or own my own house does not make me any successful in the game of life. I’ve been paying my own way since I was 18, of course I have had help from family, but for the most part I am a very self-reliant girl. So why can’t they just be happy that I’m taking care of myself, be proud that I rarely have to ask for help, be thankful that I have a level head on my shoulders?

Maybe I just read too much into these conversations. Perhaps he really was just encouraging me to go back to school because the older generation still thinks that having a degree automatically makes you more successful. It’s a piece of paper that somehow opens all these doors that have been previously locked. HA!

I feel like I get down on myself a little too often…maybe that’s why I’m always reading into seemingly innocent conversations and searching for the knife that will be plunged into my heart. Pessimist to the core, that me.

Until tomorrow, stay wonderfully wild!



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