Cheesy Ass Lines

Hello wild ones and welcome to yet another Hump Day Book Review. I hope your week is going well thus far. Mine hasn’t been great, but that’s mostly because I’m at work and my job is super stressful, but enough of that, let’s get to the cheese fest!

Changing Lines (Harrisburg Railers Hockey Book 1) by [Scott, RJ, Locey, V.L.]

I’m not kidding, this book is kind of an over the top cheesy, mushy mess, and not in the good way. I had such high hopes for this book! I mean, hot, sweaty, sexy ass hockey players gettin their man lovin on, doesn’t that sound like the greatest thing ever? It did to me, so I purchased the book after reading the sample pages and immediately regretted that decision.

First, let’s meet our 2 hot hockey players (well one isn’t really a player anymore, he’s a coach, but it counts in my book). Tennant Rowe, a young and up and coming player who’s just been picked up by a little starter team that neither of his hockey playing brothers approve of. Young Tennant is just searching for his place in the world of hockey, and living his life in the closet. Jared Madsen is a coach for said little starter team and an old family friend, old being the operative word here, he’s the same age as Tennant’s eldest brother, Brady, a fact that Mads has a hard time getting over. Unlike Tennant, Mads is kind of out, in the way that everyone knows he’s bisexual, what they don’t know is as soon as these 2 see each other again sparks fly.

It’s obviously insta-lust for the both of them, but we get some bullshit back and forth because Jared thinks he’s too old for Tennant, not to mention the fact that Tennant isn’t out…to anyone, and that he’s a coach on his new hockey team. Honestly, they could have drug out the will they, won’t they thing a little longer for me instead of the route they went. Which was to make us think they just couldn’t fight their feelings, but Mads put some “slow’ policy in, so that instead of a will they, won’t they back and forth fraught with delicious tension, we get a whiny Tennant who is tired of them barely kissing and exchanging heated glances. I wish the anticipation had bubbled a little more. I’m all about the tension and when the dam finally breaks and our 2 main characters can’t keep their hands off each other. We do get a scene similar in fashion, but it starts with a frustrated Tennant stalking off to find Jared and accost him because he’s keyed up on Mountain Dew and tired of not getting to touch Mads.

We get a frottage scene and then Jared pumps the breaks again and tells Tenannt they won’t be having sex anytime soon. So then it goes another month of just heavy petting, stolen glances, and hot make out sessions, that we don’t get to actually see. We just get to hear Tennant bitch about them. Honestly, I wanted Jared to fuck him just so he would shut the hell up.

From there things progress a little faster. Tennant comes out to his parents, and then his brothers because Brady walks in on the two of them right after some hanky panky. Blah, blah, blah. The only drama, if you can even call it that, comes from Ryker’s (Jared’s son he had at a very young age…like teenage young) grandfather. He’s a douche nozzle, but other than him trying to control Ryker and Jared there’s not much else in the way of drama.

You get some fear from both men about what will happen if anyone finds out they’re together, but even that dissipates into a pile of nothing when they do get outed to the team and no one gives a fuck.

Okay, so this book wasn’t great, it wasn’t ridiculous terribly, but it wasn’t great…I don’t even know if I would call it good. It was passable…once I got passed the shit in chapter 3 that made me feel like I had been had. I’m not gonna lie and tell you that the first 2 chapters were literary masterpieces, because they so weren’t, but when I hit chapter 3 it was almost like I was reading a different book. The entire interaction between Tennant and his goalie, Stan, was odd and disjointed. Literally felt like I was reading a foreign language. It was so bad, I put the book down and had to take a break from reading the damn thing, like a 2 day break before I could pick it back up again and finish reading it. I probably would not have if I hadn’t already named it the book for this week.

There were things added to this book, I’m assuming to pad the pages, that seemed very strange to me. The whole Pokemon thing…I mean I get that right now Pokemon are all the rage, but I really just didn’t understand why it was important that Tennant had started a team or whatever with his fellow hockey players. I didn’t buy a damn book about hot, rugged, hot, (yes I’m aware I said hot twice, sue me…I find hockey to be very sexy) hockey players to read about them playing Pokemon.

This book was heavy on the cheese. “Why don’t we just see where our passion takes us?” Direct quote, I shit you not, that made me laugh out loud because it was so over the top cheesy I nearly got constipation from reading. Sooooooooo many more cheesy lines that if I tried to go back and find more I’d end up writing an entire book about this book.

The only other thing I wasn’t a fan of was the hockey cliches that were portrayed in this book. I’ve read a few different hockey player books at this point (like I mentioned earlier, I think hockey is hot) and while I am no freaking expert on the sport I have become a little better and noticing the cliches. Goalies are weird, check. D-Men have crazy tempers, check. Everyone is super macho, check. Everyone seems to be fueled by testosterone, check. It was just kind of over the top. For example, Brady, Tennant’s brother, is greeted at the door by his shirtless brother in Jared’s apartment and the first thing he does when Jared comes into the room is attack him. Ummm…now I don’t know how many of you have ever hung at a friends place over night, but the scene could have been super innocent. It’s not like they were locked in a lover’s (god I hate that word and this is yet another book that over uses it) or anything sinister. I just thought it was way OTT to have Brady come in swinging without asking questions.

If you’re looking for a cheese fest with limited steam (in my opinion) maybe this one is for you. I give this one 3 Hump Day stars, I’m being a tad generous here, but that’s only because the cheese made me laugh and I desperately needed a laugh this week. Not to mention that this was the book that broke my no book funk.

On to the next one! Trust with a Chaser by Annabeth Albert is up next.

Trust with a Chaser (Rainbow Cove Book 1) by [Albert, Annabeth]

One hot cop. One bar owner out for redemption. One smoking-hot summer fling destined to leave scorch marks…

Mason Hanks has returned to Rainbow Cove, Oregon with one goal in mind: turn the struggling coastal community into a thriving LGBTQ tourism destination. Step one is transforming an old bar and grill into a gay-friendly eatery. Step two? Don’t piss off Nash Flint, the very hot, very stern chief of police who’s not so sure he’s on board with Mason’s big plans. 

Nash Flint just wants to keep his community safe and enjoy the occasional burger in peace. He’s not big on change nor is he a fan of Mason’s troublemaking family, especially his rowdy older brothers. But Mason slowly wins him over with fantastic cooking and the sort of friendship Nash has been starving for.

When their unlikely friendship takes a turn for the sexy, both men try to steer clear of trouble. Nash believes he’s too set in his ways for Mason, and Mason worries that his family’s reputation will ruin any future with Nash. Burning up the sheets in secret is a surefire way to crash and burn, and discovery forces a heart-wrenching decision—is love worth the risk of losing everything?

Make sure you come back next week to check out my Hump Day Book Review! In the mean time, go find me on Instagram to do a little stalking, check out my Goodreads profile to see what else I’m reading this week, and if you’re on snap chat follow me @crazydame90 to keep up with my crazy antics. Night kids!!

Until later, stay wonderfully wild!

Chels

Putting the Moves on the Rookie

Hello wild ones, welcome to another Hump Day Book Review. This week we’re reviewing Rookie Move by Sam B. Morgan. Another wonderful book about the boys in blue living in the closet.

I wanna say this book falls under the GFY genre, which is kind of my favorite, though typically it’s not actually GFY it’s more, I realize that I’m bisexual for you. But that doesn’t really have a nice ring to it and the acronym would be ridiculous, IRTIBFY. No one is going to remember that, so I’m gonna just say its’ GFY and move on to explaining that this particular novel is also, OFY. Okay, let’s just move on to the book talk.

We first meet our two heroes, I mean literal heroes because these boys are cops (I’ve mentioned my before how much I love a man in uniform), while Nathan York, our young rookie, is out in the field and under attack with his partner and training officer, Mike Graham. In our introduction we find out that Mike is gay and has been living in the closet for years due to his career and has a strong attraction to his “boot” which is what he calls his trainee. In my opinion this opening should have just been a prelude, because in chapter 2 we skip forward 7 months, when the bulk of our tale takes place, but maybe that’s just me.

So 7 months have passed, Nathan is through with training and has been partnered with his TO, Mike. Of course not much has changed in their working relationship, Mike still treats Nate like he’s his trainee and he’s battling his growing attraction to the younger man. Nathan in the mean time is just dealing with his girlfriend’s growing disappointment in his choice to be apart of the police force.

Something kind of shifts in Nate when on their patrol they come across a gay man being beaten up by a bigger guy. Mike, he realizes, never gets more angry than when they break up a gay bashing, so he starts to maybe wonder if his partner has a secret. Meanwhile, Mike is starting to realize that he needs to distance himself from Nate because, “The last couple of months had been a steady decline into spending at least eight hours a day obsessing over Nate’s safety and the other sixteen trying not to think about what he looked like naked.” Need I say more?

And then things get a little more confusing when they have a little spat in the locker room that leaves Mike convinced he needs to ask for a new partner and Nate trying to run his confusing thoughts away. Poor Nate, no amount of running up and down hills could chase away the thoughts swirling around his head about his partner and the heated gaze they’d exchanged.

Not one to just sit idle, Nate charges ahead with a plan to make Mike tell him what’s been going on and why Mike is starting to pull away. That plan goes up in flames when Mike kisses him and then the proceed to make out like horny teenagers in Mike’s kitchen, that is until Nate tries to take it further and Mike once again pulls away and tells Nate he needs to leave and forget anything happened.

I have to mention that there is a brief little cheating going on here, Nate is still with his girlfriend Taylor at the time of the making out and ordinarily that would have chased me off, but to be honest I was past the point of caring, I just wanted to see how things worked out between the two boys in blue and lucky for me right after the heated smooch, Taylor and Nate break things off, so the other kisses and obvious sex are not cheating.

Things get hot and heavy between the sizzling duo quickly after that. Once again, our poor heroes don’t get to ride off into the sunset together just yet. Some shit of course has to go down before they get to be happy. Firstly, they’re called to a scene where a young boy has hung himself. Seeing the boy, who ended his life due to the adverse reaction his family has to him being gay, seriously affects Nate.

Of course, he doesn’t come out and tell Mike what the problem is, no of course not, that would be too easy. If these freaking people ever just actually talked to one another they’d have less problems. Anyway, Nate takes a few days off, pretending to be sick, to deal with his emotions over the dead boy and then shit takes a seriously bad turn when Mike comes to check on him and sees Taylor walking with him. Cue the dramatic music.

Then it’s Mike’s turn to avoid Nate, but then Nate gets his chance to explain and blah blah blah the two get back together. I’m sorry for the blah, blah, blah, but seriously sometimes reading the same basic plot stuff over and over can get to a girl.

I’m not saying that I don’t like this book, because I really do. I think I’m just going through a little reading slump where I’m getting bogged down in the seemingly never ending cliches. I know I’ll be over it in like 2 minutes.

This one has a happy ending, duh, the pair are living together and have made the decision to come out to their partners, so they’re not living in the closet to those in their immediate circle. Very cute.

I’m giving this one 4 Hump Day Stars. Go check it out. I don’t think you’ll be disappointed.

On to the next one, Changing Lines by R.J. Scott.

Changing Lines (Harrisburg Railers, #1)

Can Tennant show Jared that age is just a number, and that love is all that matters?
The Rowe Brothers are famous hockey hotshots, but as the youngest of the trio, Tennant has always had to play against his brothers’ reputations. To get out of their shadows, and against their advice, he accepts a trade to the Harrisburg Railers, where he runs into Jared Madsen. Mads is an old family friend and his brother’s one-time teammate. Mads is Tennant’s new coach. And Mads is the sexiest thing he’s ever laid eyes on.
Jared Madsen’s hockey career was cut short by a fault in his heart, but coaching keeps him close to the game. When Ten is traded to the team, his carefully organized world is thrown into chaos. Nine years his junior and his best friend’s brother, he knows Ten is strictly off-limits, but as soon as he sees Ten’s moves, on and off the ice, he knows that his heart could get him into trouble again.

And I’m always on the lookout for new books, so if you have something you think I should read just leave your suggestions in the comments below. If you’re not already following me on Instagram, head over and check out what I’ve got going on. Check out my Goodreads profile to see what else I might be reading this week. If you’ve got snapchat go find me crazydame90 and she the silly shit I get up to.

Well, I’m gonna say good night kids. I’ve got some stuff done before my work day is over. Night!

Until later, stay wonderfully wild!

Chels

Feelin the Burn

Hello wild ones! I hope you week is going well. Shit, I still have so much stuff I need to try and get done before morning. Gotta do my laundry, then pack, write Friday’s blog post about the explosion box, so I can upload it quickly on Friday. Ugh, I’m sure there’s stuff I’m forgetting that I still have to do.

Enough of my procrastinating crap, on to the Hump Day Book Review!

So this week we’re talking about Slow Burn by Sam B. Morgan. Which falls into the OFY genre, if you’re wondering, which honestly are kind of my favorite.

We meet our first fine hero, Douglas ‘Brody”, while he is in pursuit of a lead on a strangler case he’s been working.  Our boy, man really, in blue blows out his knee during a chase and subsequently ends up at the rehab center where Zach works. They get assigned to each other because Brody is a cranky son of a bitch and a co-worker of Zach’s doesn’t want to deal with him.

Zach is the perfect blend of patient, snarky, and compassionate. Though there is a huge problem, Brody is a gay man living his life in the closet while Zach is out and proud and thinking that Brody is just another homophobic ass hat. Poor Brody battles his growing attraction to the smiling, floppy haired Zach by becoming an even bigger pain in the ass. until Zach makes him realize that he can’t fully recover without his help.

Brody pushes the attraction to the back of his mind and puts his full focus on getting back into working shape because unless he can pass his physical test he won’t be able to continue working on his serial strangler case.

Zach battles his own budding attraction to the snarling, smoking hot detective, but can’t seem to make himself stay away, which is why when Brody takes him up on his offer to continue training him after his PT he agrees. This is where we start getting to the good stuff folks.

After a heated glance, a race, and yet another lust loaded look from Brody, Zach makes a ballsy move and kisses his growly detective. It goes about as well as he expected at first, Brody pushes him away, gets pissy at him for daring to think he might be gay, and decides to leave.

The next time our dynamic duo get together things go a bit differently. Brody admits his attraction and that he’s gay, just in the closet and the two begin a very hot affair. Smoking hot.

Of course our two heroes can’t just run off into the sunset and live happily every after, oh no, that would be far too easy.  Brody has trouble at work, he’s been cleared to return to duty and is in even better shape than before his injury, but someone else has been paired with his partner for his case and he’s been reassigned. Though he tries to fight it, he’s told by his superior that he’s off the case and that he has to stay far away from anything involving the case or face the repercussions.

That does not sit well with the justice seeking, bull headed man and he starts doing some digging on his own. Zach advises against it because Brody’s job is being threatened, but instead of listening (like a rational fucking human being) Brody goes ape shit and pushes Zach too far with his obvious disregard. The two part ways in emotional turmoil.

I can tell you right now, I was so pissed at Brody. I wanted to slap the idiot, but of course I kept reading hoping they would reconcile. Of course they do…if they didn’t this review would be far more curse word filled and angry because I swear the first time I read a book that doesn’t have a happy ending I go all King Kong on the world.

After a near death experience Brody realizes that what is really important, Zach, and sets out to win him back. And then they kind of skip off into the sunset hand in hand, well actually it’s to a lunch date that Brody’s partner crashes. Guys, Brody comes out for Zach. It’s beautiful. Ah.

You know I’m a sucker for a sweet love story with a side of steam. This one was not over the top sweet in the slightest, it was the perfect blend of sweet and spice, for me anyway. Brody was the rough, tough, snarling beast that I love to see tamed into a purring pussy cat by his smiling, easy going, and lovable counterpart.

So to Slow Burn I bestow 4.5 Hump Day Stars. I’ll read this again, and again, and again, and again, and again. As a matter of fact, I may very well read it again tonight after all of my shit gets done…well if all my shit gets done. HA!

Alright, next up is going to be A Rookie Move by Sam B. Morgan, another boys in blue book because who doesn’t love a man in uniform!

A Rookie Move by [Morgan, Sam B.]

Fifteen years with the Los Angeles Police Department, Mike Graham is a seasoned cop and a damn good training officer. On the brutal streets of LA, he’s witnessed every type of crime and taught countless rookies how to survive while they protect and serve. Nothing surprises him anymore. That is, until he meets Nathan York.

Nathan York shouldn’t be a cop. With his Beverly Hills background and pretty boy good looks, he’s fit for the land of movie stars and nose jobs. Too bad being LAPD is all he’s ever wanted. No longer a rookie, he thinks he’s ready for anything, even if the next challenge is working with his hard-assed yet magnetic ex-training officer.

Partners on the job, Mike and Nate both struggle with an attraction that has no place in their world. Their explosive chemistry reaches a point it cannot be ignored, but the same chemistry that consumes them could destroy the very thing that binds them together.

 

Now I gotta scoot into my room and gather up my dirty clothes, so I can get those sorted and while they’re washing I’ll get Friday’s blog post ready. Wish me luck!

Don’t forget to go follow my on Instagram to see what Cassilee, Corbin, and I get up to this weekend (I know for a fact that we’re doing at least one craft project). Check out my Goodreads profile to see what else I’m reading this week. And if you’ve got snapchat, go find me @crazydame90 to see the silly videos and pictures I send out.

Night kids!

Until later, stay wonderfully wild!

Chels

 

Beau Meets Beast

Hello wild ones and welcome to another Hump Day Book Review! Hopefully your week is going well thus far. I got some startling news today that turned into planning a little trip to see C&C up in Bastrop soon, so I guess that’s good. Other than that I’m just chillin at home until it’s time to go back to work on Saturday. Tonight as soon as I’m done with this post I’m gonna get back to work on my car’s sunshade because I still haven’t finished that bitch and I need to get it done and in the dang car.

Okay, now that I’ve gotten that little update out of the way, let’s move on to the reason you’re here, Hump Day Book Review of Beau and the Beast by Kay Simone

If it’s not obvious by the title this book is a modern retelling of Beauty and the Beast with a tiny bit of gender bending, which I was all about.

Beau is a boy unlike any other. When we first meet him he’s crying and upset because of a fairy tale his father was telling him in which the “monster” is killed. The little interlude really sets the tone for the rest of the book because Beau didn’t understand why the monster was being punished for being a monster, it couldn’t help the way it was born. Oh man, I already had some tingles.

Alright, so it fast forwards to present day Beau, who is toiling away at a newspaper to make enough money to support his disabled brother, Noah, and himself. These two boys are kind of lost in the world without each other. Noah stumbles across a video of a large beast in the hallway of a prestigious building in their fair city, he’s been spying on people forever. He has the genius idea to blackmail the owner of the penthouse and Beau volunteers to go to the meet up because he doesn’t want his brother in any more trouble than he’s already been in. Little do they know that the occupants of that penthouse have set a trap of their own to scare the would be blackmailer off, so poor Beau ends up captured.

During a short interrogation of their captive the occupants discover that Beau is a journalist and come up with a scheme to get them out of the mess their boss has trapped them in.

Wolfram and his close staff had a curse set upon them by a pissed off witch nearly 10 years ago, which they have been unable to undo. Unlike it’s older counterpart, only Wolfram has been transformed in this curse, he’s been turned into a beast, while his staff simply cannot leave the penthouse or they will die. Deep shit people. The staff is convinced that if they could get a book written about their boss and his situation out to the public that it would break the curse, so they offer Beau an obscene (I’m talking ridiculously obscene) amount of money to stay with them for a month and write his bio.

Beau meets Beast.  Of course Wolfram is bracing himself for hysterics, even his staff has a hard time looking at him, but Beau takes his beastly appearance all in stride. Guys, Beau is seriously special. He not only befriends Wolfram, but makes him and his staff interact way more than they have in the 9 years they been stuck together. Unlike his staff, Wolfram has not only been cutoff from the physical outside world, but from his staff as well because he knows that his appearance makes them uncomfortable. Ha, Beau blows that shit straight out the water by making them all have dinner together. He’s seriously a breath of fresh air in their dreary little world.

Now, everything is not all sunshine and lollipops. Noah along with his Beau’s ex boyfriend, Lincoln, have become suspicious of Beau’s job offer and subsequent disappearance. And those two complete opposites get their own little side story where they try to put their heads together to figure out what really happened to Beau and where he’s gone.

All the while Beau is falling in love with his Beast and the Beast is falling in love with him. Which of course results in some beastiality-esque sex, Wolfram may be a man at heart, but that’s about the only part of him that is still “human.”

Beau finishes his book, nothing happens. No surprise there folks, if you’ve seen any other form of this classic fairy tale you know the curse is only broken through love, and that love has to be verbalized.

One thing I really loved about this retelling is that there’s not really a villain, other than the bitch who cursed them. There’s no Gaston in this version, early on I thought that Lincoln, the ex, was going to be a giant douche nozzle like Gaston, but he turns out to be this amazing guy. Spoiler, he falls in love with Noah, who is seriously disfigured and disabled from an accident that killed both of their parents. The two could not be more opposite, but fall in love while trying to “rescue” Beau.

Alright, so the end. Oh man, so Lincoln and Noah come up with a harebrained plan to just bust into the penthouse and demand the release of Beau, of course that goes belly up when he see’s Wolfram and starts attacking, which causes Wolfram to attack. Shots are fired and then poor Wolfram is bleeding out on the floor while an inconsolable Beau confesses his love. Cue the fairy god mother magic music.

Here’s another area where this book deviates from the norm, Wolfram doesn’t turn back into a man! He stays a beast. Kay is a genius. Instead of making him turn back into a normal man, he stays a beast which of course makes Beau push harder from the non-normal people of the world to be accepted into society. Our epilogue is Beau doing an interview for his second book (the one he wrote about Wolfram being his first) in which he tells the story of every non-human person he has met since the publishing of his first novel. It’s seriously cool kids. He makes a place in the world for all of those who had no place before. How amazing is that? I think that right there is the thing I loved most about this book.

Beau is working toward changing the world. It’s beautiful. Which earns this book 4 bright shiny Hump Day stars.

Alright, so for next week….ugh…Oh, I think I’ve got one!

Slow Burn

Detective Douglas Brody has only ever known the life of a cop. Raised strict but fair by his police chief father, he joined the academy right out of school, climbed the ranks hard and fast, and now works homicide for the City of Charleston. The job is his entire life. For years it’s kept him happy enough to minimize the side of him that craves what he believes is wrong. An accident on the job puts him on medical leave and everything in Brody’s world changes. He has to prove himself once more to be best cop in the department, all while dealing with Zack – his persistent, sexy, and out of the closet physical therapist.

Zack is tan skin, big grins, floppy hair and tackles his job with the same full-blown enthusiasm he does everything else. When the “patient from hell” is thrown his way by another PT who can’t handle him, Zack is committed to achieving the impossible. His new patient is a head strong and hot as hell homicide detective, who oozes as much resentment as he does sex appeal. Any involvement with a patient, especially a man who is so deep in the closet he can’t see light, is something Zack swore he’d never do. But Brody slowly proves too much to resist…

Okay, so come back next week for the Hump Day Review of Slow Burn by Sam B. Morgan.

Now Imma go finish coloring my sunshade. Make sure to follow me on Instagram to see my progress. Check out Goodreads to see what else I’m reading this week. And go find me on Snapchat @crazydame90 to see the goofy shit I post on their. Night kids!

Until later, say wonderfully wild!

Chels