Soooo Good it Should be Illegal

Hello wild ones! I hope this week is treating you well thus far. This week on Hump Day Book Review we are going to be talking about Illegal Contact by Santino Hassell, please be warned that I wrote the following review straight after reading it, so I was still on a book high. I might still be on a bit of a high from this one, anyway, I hope you enjoy!

Illegal Contact (The Barons) by [Hassell, Santino]


OH MY FUCKING GOD!!! Guys, I loved this damn book. LOVE!! LOVE!! LOVE!!! It blew the damn Hump Day Review rating system clean out of the water!

I’m on a serious book high right now. This review is actually being written 8/18/2017 @ 1:10 am, I know I didn’t even tell you I was going to read this book until last week, but when I realized that it had been released I just could not resist purchasin it. Didn’t even read the sample like I usually do before making a purchase these days. I snapped that bitch right up and then spent the next few hours devouring the shit out the book. No joke. I’m so happy right now I’m grinning like an idiot and I can’t keep these little laughs from escaping as I try to organize my thoughts into something other than fangirl screaming.

Give me a moment. Maybe a few more moments to let it all sink in before I continue.

Okay, I think I’m composed enough to give you something more than just exclamation marks and nonsense that only makes sense if you’re screaming while crying.

This book hits all my buttons.

Hot, pissed off, growly, football player with a chip on his shoulder? Check

Nerdy, Clark Kent look-a-like, who has no problem being a snarky ass bitch? Check

Sex so hot my tablet nearly caught fire? Check

Dirty talk that made my toes curl? Check

Super hot tension that had me biting my lip waiting for the dam to break? Check

Sarcasm out the wazoo? Check

Main characters not afraid to call each other out on their bullshit? Check

Amusing supporting characters? Check

Men with hearts of gold? Check

God, I could seriously just go on, and on, and on, and on, and on about how amazing this book it, but I really just want to scream in people’s faces that they should read it for themselves because it’s just that fantastic.

However, you didn’t come here for me to just fan girl cry and then throw the book at your face for you to read. So, I’ll give you the run down all while trying to wonder if my face is going to be sore tomorrow from all this damn smiling.

Gavin Brawley (fitting last name), is a professional foot ball player who was recently placed under house arrest, but not for the normal douche baggy stuff that professional players get caught doing. This guy, unbeknownst to most, chased a guy down who had taken a video of his friend in a compromising position and was threatening to expose him. Gavin is not one to stand for people fucking with his family, so after catching up with the frat boy asshole, he proceeds to get into a little scuffle resulting in him being punished by a 6 month sentence that leaves him unable to finish the season with his team or leave his home.

Noah Monroe is just a normal guy trying to find a way to make a difference in the world and floundering just a bit. After a debacle at his internship involving finding out his director, and the man he happens to be sleeping with, taking advantage of one of the kids in the program and turning him in only to be painted as just a jilted lover trying to tarnish a good man’s name, he’s left with no viable job prospects, mounting debt, and a more cynical outlook on life.

The two are thrown together because Gavin is in desperate need of a personal assistant, much to his chagrin, and Noah is desperate for any job that means he can start digging himself out of debt and help his father at the same time. However, our two main characters don’t exactly meet and fall into any kind of insta-love, it’s more a mutual distaste with an underlying attraction. Despite getting off on the wrong foot, where Noah insults the only thing Gavin cares about (football) Noah ends up working for Gavin in his glacial mansion.

These two together were pure, made me grin, laugh, and shake my head in mirth magic. They are both so damn sarcastic, sharp, and cutting it’s just wonderful. Quickly there’s this mutual respect from both for the other’s ability to call out their bullshit and that kind of transforms into a friendship, while that may be stretching it a bit far, I’m still gonna call it that.

Of course things take a little turn down naughty street when Noah discovers that Gavin is bi-sexual and that maybe, just maybe all the dirty fantasies he’s been having could possibly come true. That fantasy becomes a closer reality when Gavin kisses him for the first time and then the two later make out like horny teenagers before Noah pumps the breaks.

This book is low angst, especially when compared to some of the other shit shows I’ve read. Noah has a serious hang up about being attracted to his boss yet again, which causes him to try and keep his distance from Gavin and have things remain professional…yea that doesn’t last long. These two were just made for  each other, some serious soul mate bull shit.

Finally, FINALLY, the two realize that they can’t keep their hands to themselves and get down the nitty gritty stuff that makes me swoon over Santino Hassell’s books. The sex is always so raw and real feeling. In the case of Noah and Gavin, there’s all these underlying strong feelings on both sides. Both are falling in love and neither want to be falling in love when they’re not sure there’s even a future.

Which is where the angst comes in. A wake up call from Gavin’s manager, Joe, makes the duo realize that while they may feel very strongly about each other, there’s no real future from them where Gavin gets to keep playing football, the one thing that he says saved him. Because the world is a fucked up homophobic asshole. Coming out could damage Gavin’s career so badly that he’d never play football again and Noah is unwilling to have Gavin resent him for taking away the one thing he lives for, so the two part ways.

I think it was the most amicable and heartbreaking break up I’ve experienced to date. I felt my heart crack open when Noah set the alarm for the last time as he leaves Gavin’s home. There may have been some tears.

Despite the fact that this book ripped my heart out, showed it to me, and then threw it on the floor we get a happy ending that of course prompted this endorphin fueled review.

Our men are miserable without each other and when a past hook up of Gavin’s comes forward to out him to a tabloid along with the same frat fuckboy from the beginning Gavin realizes that Noah is far more important to him that football. Having the prospect of his career being taken away because of some asshole instead of because of the man he loves shows him that he can live without football, but he can’t live without Noah. So, he does what any sane person would do…he outs himself to the only reporter that has ever written a piece on him that wasn’t full of trash.

The story breaks while Noah and Gavin are tangled up in bed together, making up for lost time, and it’s not until the following morning when Noah reads the article, a linked tweet of Gavin’s team mate also coming out, and a supportive text from Joe that he sees that Gavin may get to keep him as well as football.

I will say that I could have used a damn epilogue. That’s my only complaint. I want a fucking epilogue. I want more of Noah and Gavin!!! I’m assuming we are left without one because there’s another book about Simeon coming out that will address the fallout from them both coming out. At least I fucking hope that’t the case or I may start raging.

Favorite part:

“You’re really going to drop the L word in between profanity and jokes?”

“Baby, I dropped it earlier and you didn’t even react, besides, you cursed a paparazzo to hell for wandering down the wrong part of the beach one time. I’m pretty sure I knew I loved you right then and there.”

“You had a funny way of showing it…You know I feel the same way, right?”

“Wrong. I wanna hear. In detail. In fact, I want a sonnet.”

“Screw your sonnet. You get words. I love your mean ass.”

UGH!!! Perfection.  I think I’m gonna read this one again like once a week until the next one comes out which is in FUCKING JANUARY!!!! Whhhhhyyyyyyyyyy!!!!

I think it goes without saying that I’m giving this one the full 5 Hump Day Book Review stars. If I had more stars to give out this book would get them all.

Alright, now that I’m done this is what we’re gonna read next, (while not so patiently waiting for Santino Hassell to release Down by Contact, Simeon’s story), is Friendly Fire by Cari Z.

Friendly Fire

Elliot McKenzie is the king of reinvention. Five years after losing his job and his lover and almost going to prison, his self-help program, Charmed Life, is more successful than he’d ever dreamed. He thinks he’s put his sordid past firmly behind him, until he starts receiving cryptic threats . . . and realizes it might not be as over as he’d hoped.

Security expert Lennox West has been lost since a deadly skirmish in Afghanistan led to his forced retirement from the Army. His PTSD makes helping his ex raise their daughter a challenge. When his ex’s sister asks him to set her boss up with a security system, Lennox isn’t expecting anyone like Elliot McKenzie—a man who captures his attention and makes him feel relaxed for the first time since leaving the service.

But Elliott is dangerously stubborn. Even as the threats against him escalate, he refuses to involve the police, and Lennox fears that stubbornness could kill him. A battle of wills ensues that brings them closer to each other than either man expected. But if the threats turn real, they might not live long enough to get their future together.


I’m still planning on talking about the new planner system Friday, but we’ll also touch a little more on why I’ve been absent lately. If you’ve got any suggestions, questions, or just wanna yell at me for being the most inconsistent blogger please feel free to leave a comment below.

If you not already following me on Instagram, go check it out to see what crazy crap I’m up to. Catch up with me on Goodreads to see what else I’mm currently reading. And of course if you have snapchat go find me @crazydame90. Night kids!

Until later, stay wonderfully wild!



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